3 days ago, I’m fucking depressed. I fucked up badly; don’t even know the cause of it. Desperate to find out the reason behind worsen the situation. I never want to keep the problem to myself, I will ask for help if I knew it, but I really can’t found out. I feel sorry to those that wanted to help me, but can’t help just because they don’t know what I’m facing.

After 3 days, I started to realize maybe… it isn’t just a problem, are problems. Having 4 holidays (from Friday until Monday), I started to relax, my tension, my job stress, all gone, I feel great about it. Going back home in the early Friday, thought it’s just 2 days (Friday and Saturday) I’m pleased about what I did to my parents. It’s hard to put down my parents alone in hometown and attending the convocation myself on Sunday morning, I wanted to accompany, even just a couples of hours, I willing to travel back. I don’t want them to attend the convocation, there are bunches of reasons. They always feel proud of what I and my siblings have achieved. They love us, and we love them as well. Actions to show our love is not necessary sometime. Therefore, I never censure on them.

During the convocation, in actual fact I don’t enjoyed it, friends were encircled by their families and their own group members, I knew this would come about, I’m not being cocky, I really knew. When your parents are waiting you, can u take photo without considering their existence? Another point of view, if you taking photo with your family, would u feel regret of not taking sufficient pictures with your friends? To keep both sides in high spirits, it’s easier said than done. So, it’s not a delightful convocation, I lost my hand phone once more on that day. The Lady luck is not with me.

On Monday, still I’m having holiday; so I choose to stick together with some friends, just because I don’t know when I’ll meet up with them once more. To this point, the moment we spent together was just about 3 years (or even less than that); nevertheless the root of our friendship is even stronger than the others. We cover each other backside during quiz, mid-term, presentation, assignments, and even final exam. Thank you all so much!

Good time just won’t last forever… In Tuesday morning I woke up precisely the identical time (7 a.m.); reluctantly went to work, I’m very depressed at that point, I’m asking myself, why I’m here? Fuck that, I wanna be with them. Friends! They gave me no pressure! I a very strong intention to go inside the manager office and told her I wanna resign! Especially when my trainer assigned a dozen of works to me during my way back to my PJ house, despite the fact that I’m listening to him, but in my heart I’m saying “FUCK OFF, don’t give me just because you’re on leave tomorrow!” At that point, I’m sick, sour throat, fever is coming.

My rationality helps me get through… the next day; I’m not feeling well, as mention before, I’m sick, but not badly. Fortunately I accomplished everything he ask me to do, I’m surprised, really surprised… when he’s here, what on earth he ask me to perform, I found it very hard to start, feel impossible to take the first step, but Thursday is awesome to me, I done most of the things without his presents. I feel great that evening. I know the rain and storm is over now, I can do it, don’t look back, though the 4 days are so relax, good, happy, laughing all the days, stress-less; but past tense is past tense, save it in your mind, enjoyed it but don’t miss it. Learn from the past, Focus on the present, Do it for the future.
Once again, I bounced back from the bottom.

I’m so depress today, negative, bad things all happen to me, my bad luck hasn’t end yet, coz i’m suffering a sour throat, and it just started.

My phone just wont, sms, messages (friendster and mail) make me feel worse.

At this moment, i really needed to talk with somebody. friends friends, where you all when i need you.

i’m so SHITTED, and fuck myself.

Okay, okay, I believe I did not make it clear enough, to avoid any rumor or gossip that keep rolling like a snow ball; I prefer to clarify something myself.

I sell my guest cards on Sunday convocation, does not mean I’m greedy, RM 100, i agree it is a big amount, but how long u can survive for that little amount, don’t tell me you can’t afford this amount. In places like KL, Pj, and Damansara, it won’t last u more than 3 days. The money I received is not for leisure, is my rental fees okay? By the way, it is not enough at all. I still need to cover it with my own money.

The only reason I attend the convocation, not because of the attire, or whatsoever. It’s all because of friends, (opps, to be more specific and clear) SOME FRIENDS only. Spending half a thousand ringgit to see my friends, whom are very difficult to meet in the future, are worth more than anything to me.

I get frustrated by some responds such as "we are friend, let’s don’t talk about money". Wow, what the hell do you mean by that? What the fuck is really in your mind? Where are you when I’m in trouble? I don’t know. But I do know, who you find, when you’re in a mess. So, stop pretending like we are "good" friends!

Even though I can’t sell, it doesn’t matter, I do have "plan B", I’ll give it to those who need it, (to remind you) these 2 guest cards will be giving to SOME friend only, not YOU!

RM 100 mean nothing to me, I don’t care actually, but stop hoping that I’ll give it to you, cause you do not deserve a piece of shit from me, fuck off far far away.