Aw… How’s everybody? common, leave a message to me, just want to know how y’all doing recently. give me and update =) good luck!

3 days ago, I’m fucking depressed. I fucked up badly; don’t even know the cause of it. Desperate to find out the reason behind worsen the situation. I never want to keep the problem to myself, I will ask for help if I knew it, but I really can’t found out. I feel sorry to those that wanted to help me, but can’t help just because they don’t know what I’m facing.

After 3 days, I started to realize maybe… it isn’t just a problem, are problems. Having 4 holidays (from Friday until Monday), I started to relax, my tension, my job stress, all gone, I feel great about it. Going back home in the early Friday, thought it’s just 2 days (Friday and Saturday) I’m pleased about what I did to my parents. It’s hard to put down my parents alone in hometown and attending the convocation myself on Sunday morning, I wanted to accompany, even just a couples of hours, I willing to travel back. I don’t want them to attend the convocation, there are bunches of reasons. They always feel proud of what I and my siblings have achieved. They love us, and we love them as well. Actions to show our love is not necessary sometime. Therefore, I never censure on them.

During the convocation, in actual fact I don’t enjoyed it, friends were encircled by their families and their own group members, I knew this would come about, I’m not being cocky, I really knew. When your parents are waiting you, can u take photo without considering their existence? Another point of view, if you taking photo with your family, would u feel regret of not taking sufficient pictures with your friends? To keep both sides in high spirits, it’s easier said than done. So, it’s not a delightful convocation, I lost my hand phone once more on that day. The Lady luck is not with me.

On Monday, still I’m having holiday; so I choose to stick together with some friends, just because I don’t know when I’ll meet up with them once more. To this point, the moment we spent together was just about 3 years (or even less than that); nevertheless the root of our friendship is even stronger than the others. We cover each other backside during quiz, mid-term, presentation, assignments, and even final exam. Thank you all so much!

Good time just won’t last forever… In Tuesday morning I woke up precisely the identical time (7 a.m.); reluctantly went to work, I’m very depressed at that point, I’m asking myself, why I’m here? Fuck that, I wanna be with them. Friends! They gave me no pressure! I a very strong intention to go inside the manager office and told her I wanna resign! Especially when my trainer assigned a dozen of works to me during my way back to my PJ house, despite the fact that I’m listening to him, but in my heart I’m saying “FUCK OFF, don’t give me just because you’re on leave tomorrow!” At that point, I’m sick, sour throat, fever is coming.

My rationality helps me get through… the next day; I’m not feeling well, as mention before, I’m sick, but not badly. Fortunately I accomplished everything he ask me to do, I’m surprised, really surprised… when he’s here, what on earth he ask me to perform, I found it very hard to start, feel impossible to take the first step, but Thursday is awesome to me, I done most of the things without his presents. I feel great that evening. I know the rain and storm is over now, I can do it, don’t look back, though the 4 days are so relax, good, happy, laughing all the days, stress-less; but past tense is past tense, save it in your mind, enjoyed it but don’t miss it. Learn from the past, Focus on the present, Do it for the future.
Once again, I bounced back from the bottom.

I’m so depress today, negative, bad things all happen to me, my bad luck hasn’t end yet, coz i’m suffering a sour throat, and it just started.

My phone just wont, sms, messages (friendster and mail) make me feel worse.

At this moment, i really needed to talk with somebody. friends friends, where you all when i need you.

i’m so SHITTED, and fuck myself.

Okay, okay, I believe I did not make it clear enough, to avoid any rumor or gossip that keep rolling like a snow ball; I prefer to clarify something myself.

I sell my guest cards on Sunday convocation, does not mean I’m greedy, RM 100, i agree it is a big amount, but how long u can survive for that little amount, don’t tell me you can’t afford this amount. In places like KL, Pj, and Damansara, it won’t last u more than 3 days. The money I received is not for leisure, is my rental fees okay? By the way, it is not enough at all. I still need to cover it with my own money.

The only reason I attend the convocation, not because of the attire, or whatsoever. It’s all because of friends, (opps, to be more specific and clear) SOME FRIENDS only. Spending half a thousand ringgit to see my friends, whom are very difficult to meet in the future, are worth more than anything to me.

I get frustrated by some responds such as "we are friend, let’s don’t talk about money". Wow, what the hell do you mean by that? What the fuck is really in your mind? Where are you when I’m in trouble? I don’t know. But I do know, who you find, when you’re in a mess. So, stop pretending like we are "good" friends!

Even though I can’t sell, it doesn’t matter, I do have "plan B", I’ll give it to those who need it, (to remind you) these 2 guest cards will be giving to SOME friend only, not YOU!

RM 100 mean nothing to me, I don’t care actually, but stop hoping that I’ll give it to you, cause you do not deserve a piece of shit from me, fuck off far far away.

Working is tired? Yes, physically it’s, but mentally i don’t think it make me tired, almost a month begin my new journey in this company, i have yet to hate this job, but i can’t guarantee i WON’T. Life is FIXED, wake up exactly at 6AM, arrived KTM at 7AM sharp, arrived before working hours and etc. It wasn’t that bad, atleast i no longer can’t sleep when i wanted to. Average sleeping time is around 6 hours, sometime sleep 10 hours, sometime less than 5. So far, everything seems to be good for me, in fact, there’s quite a number of bad things, first, i getting fat, then, i got no chance to improve my english, since everybody speak mandarin or cantonese with me rather than english, i don’t really like it. Sometime easily over-spending, eventhough it’s not often. Overall, i like my life now, but i believe it won’t be long, there’s no stress, no challenges (only challenge is whether i can finish job before 5.30PM), not much things left for me to learn. So, one day, i’ll go back to university and continue study, to get higher qualification.

6月19日(星期二)，这一天，我开始上班了，虽然父亲要我继续读下去，但是我明白现在最想要的是什么，博士学位是我的一个愿望，所以硕士是肯定会去读的。

为什么我会在星期二才开工，那是因为之前吉隆坡水灾，使得我的公司电力供应中断了大概一个礼拜，如果星期一上工，也没有人得空指导我。说起来，很久没有在6点起身，没办法住得这么远，只好早点起身驾车去Serdang(KTM)然后跑去KL Central换LRT，原来是那么多人得，真的挤得很辛苦。。。后来我想起来了，Bdr Tasik Selatan也可以到Masjid Jamek，换了这条线后，果然不用挤得那么辛苦，而且快一点。
运气不错，第一天上班没有迟到，去到公司也不知道可以坐什么，等了10分钟，Manager终于把我介绍了给一个叫做Kent的员工，他就是我的指导员。

他教会我做Cash Flow(和以前做的完全不同)，Investment Restriction，Daily Management and Trustee Fees，Unit in Circulation。。。还有很多，刚开始的时候的确很辛苦，但是这些东西到了第三天，我很快就做完，不然我会追不上进度，还有很多还没有学会。所以呢，下个礼拜我要留下来，尽可能把那些没有做好得很快店做完。

我所管理的基金叫做KLCity Saphire，Ruby，Emerald，Dana Imbang和SmallCap Fund。没听过吧？我也是…每天必须负责百万以上的Transaction，想到都怕。一点点错误，对方就会打电话来问，不过错误是难免的啦，幸好对方也明白，有时候他们也会出错，大家只是互相帮忙而已。工作情况就是这样，每天都在忙一样的东西，好充实。

同一天报到的新人有3个，大家都对我们很好，还带我们吃好东西，这个时候我才明白KL是藏龙卧虎，许多老店煮的东西还比Sg.long的好吃。虽然刚认识，大家都有说有笑的，公司虽然规模不大，使得大家的感情更好，而且也没有所谓的竞争，政治，像一个大家庭！说真的，运气真好，没有选错公司，薪水不高，但是非常开心。

在这里必须谢谢Jas大姐的支持，你的Comment让我感到至少有人跟我感同身受。还有兔子啊，虽不要家里美美的？有钱的话，我的家一定美美的，只是现在我属于奋斗年龄，不拼一点，以后那里有美美的家？而且如果回家看到一张床而已，我会更加拚命，那以后的家肯定更美！

等了一个多月，终于开始做工了。面试了几间公司，大大小小的，虽然有些公司没有回复(原因就是他们不要我)，我也明白以那些大公司的日常作业，哪里有时间回复一些他们认为不需要的人呢？但是这且让我有机会重新思考，重新定位，了解了大公司未必所有的东西都是最好。有些时候，这些所谓的大公司，也做不到诚心如意。我绝对不是“吃不到葡萄说葡萄酸”，只是想了又想，有一定必要去大公司工作吗？大公司的确好处很多，薪水也多，自然的，人人都想要去做！对吗？买东西也是一样，如果名牌价格和普通货物价格差不远，选名牌才是明智的吧？他们没请我，对我来说，我没什么关系的，我也没生气，虽然我口口声声说他们会后悔，但也是闹着玩的啦。才没那么小器，而且我可能我真的不适合他们。但是，我真的不想再等了，所以我选择了一间规模不大的公司，因为我觉得他们人不错，应该可以学到东西。与其去爬‘楼梯’，不如一起建‘楼梯’。不明白的人，可以问我这是什么意思。
不知道为什么，想到工作就是感到非常的期待，虽然开工过后我的观点可能会改变，这个以后才打算。。。呵呵。但是在此我必须感谢我爸爸，如果不是他坚持不要我贷款念书，这份工的薪水真的不够我用。而且妈妈还要求他帮我给房租，(虽然我只要求他们给一半)，但是妈妈已经告诉他了，他的反应就是“笑笑”而已。哇哈哈~这使得我的生活更加轻松。(感觉有点败家呢，反省反省。。。)我那么乖，不帮我，帮谁叻？哈哈！歹势！这是有原因的，因为我重来都不花他多余的钱，尤其是中学的时候，常常在家里，很少去跟他掏钱买东西，所以长大了，要买什么，我都会先跟他谈谈，自然而然，他就越帮越多。所以奉劝大家，不要用爸爸那么多钱，不然以后有急事想掏的时候，难度高很多！
虽然生活上应该没有什么问题，但是为了预防我会过于懒惰，所以不打算把新家弄得太舒服，不然就不会每天去拼了，永远都留在那个所谓的“Comfort Zone”。
无论如何，努力努力努力努力努力，这是我唯一能做的东西。虽然不是每次付出都会得到回报，但是终有一天，会得到我要得结果，就好像爸爸对我这样。呵呵

真的很闷啦。。原来放假人一休息够了，睡饱了，开始无所事事的时候，是很恐怖的事情。想要早点有工作，至少不会再有这种想法。朋友们都回去自己的家乡，回到芙蓉又没有什么特别的东西，最重要得就是陪陪父母咯。。。不过怎么算都好，芙蓉都比比哪个双溪隆镇好一百倍，以前还说会有朋友，可以去学校“哈拉”，现在“哈拉”个屁咯。

要我继续念下去，绝对没有问题的。但是，我就是想要一点工作经验，更何况，我想要考验一下我自己是否有那个能力。我厌倦了书本，我需要经验，我需要考验。

生日也快要到了，有心人，就不要寄短讯给我，用打的。打不通，再打。。。尤其是那些好朋友。。不用我点名啦。如果不打来，就表示你不把我放在心上咯。。。

I’m upset, extremely upset, the cause of this is just a simple thing that could happen in any minute in our life - "Things doesn’t goes as I wish". Aww… I damn fucking hate this, I hate when things that goes beyond my control. When it is controllable for me, there is a high chances that whatever happen in the next second could be a "disaster" to me.

Especially when i have HIGH expectation on it, its always makes me so DAMN angry.

I never allow myself to regret on the decision I’ve made… I hate to be REGRET…

FUCK, i don’t know what I’m writing here!

经过了三个星期的奋斗，考试终于在星期一(7 May 2007)考完了。但是我却没得休息，考完了，还要面对一连串的面试。首先是，Public Bank，只不过是一个普通的面试，非常的简单，进去不到15分钟就出来了， 然后是UOB，这个才恐怖。。。"Whole Day Assessment"我听了的怕怕，什么面试，需要从早上9点到下午5点。如果没记错，大概分成六个阶段。

第一阶段(GROUP)这个阶段满好玩的。我和组员们必须在二十分钟里面完成一个Egg-Catcher，然后必须冲５尺的高度把两颗鸡蛋丢下来，鸡蛋不能破，Egg-Catcher的成本不能太高。。。结果我的组所“发明”出来得成为成本最低，然后是３组里面唯一鸡蛋没有破的。鸡蛋是我丢的叻！非常不简单，有难度的！

过后还要在做多一个，规则大致上是一样的，但是Egg-Catcher必须要和第一个不一样。结果，破了一粒鸡蛋而已。

第二阶段(GROUP)，这个令我感觉有一点废，因为我不知道他们真正的意义。所以我懒惰在这里写啦。。这个很长。

第三阶段(GROUP)，面对７个鲨鱼，面对他们的问题，差点让组员们招架不来。不过，有时候我觉得他们“假设”得他离谱，我也硬着头皮来答他们这个所谓的“问题”

第四阶段，考试叻。惨了。。。完全不够时间做啦。才半个小时，竟然要面对一面半的Case Study和４题问题。。。干脆想到什么就写。哈哈

第五阶段(Presentation)，哇！大问题，我的最大的敌人来了。不过还好啦，竟到里面想到什么就说什么。。反正大家都是在吹水而已。哈哈。

第六阶段(Interview)，到了这个时候，差不多已经３.１５分了，大家都很累了。我进去跟他们说了大概１５分钟就出来了。

这一次面试之后，我觉得外面压力的确是很大的，但是莫名其妙的是，这让我感觉非常的兴奋，虽然是很累，但是认识到不错的朋友。接下来，第二天还是不能好好地睡觉，９点起身，跑去做我的Passport，又要等到１２点才能拿。。。不过这次真的做到了。。。回到老家过后，整个人就松懈下来了，这个时候，病毒缠身啦！伤风啦，喉咙痛啦，鼻孔发炎啦，轻微发烧啦。。到了今天才好了。看来真的必须休息休息了。。。铁人也会有生锈的一天。。